my twitter post from this morning:
i’ve finally stopped dryheaving everytime i see this news headline in my feed reader [warning: do not read if particularly sensitive]. it’s pretty horrible - probably one of the sickest, most horrible true things i have ever read in my life.
i’m a horror movie buff. but this… i don’t know. nothing prepares for this.
violence and gore doesn’t faze me - not when it’s the product of someone’s imagination, and created through special effects. i have watched many sick and twisted horror movies. i count the saw movies, suicide club, ichi the killer, hostel and seven among the ones i’ve watched more than once. this was different though - it wasn’t cgi or raspberry flavoured artificial blood.
i also have a hyperactive imagination. when i read the news article this morning, i locked myself in the bathroom and dry-heaved for half an hour. my unforgiving mind recreated the entire scene. i’m still nauseous but i’m trying not to think about it.
i have no doubt it was infinitely more horrible for anyone actually there. not to mention the victim.
i don’t know how everyone actually really and truly affected by this is going to cope. i hope they do. i hope the kids who had to see that turn out okay. i sincerely wish that something or someone helps them make it through.
and the victim? someone’s son/brother/lover.
i’m losing faith, and my stomach’s heaving again. i don’t know why i’m feeling so nauseous - whether it’s because of the gore factor, or because someone who is capable of doing something like that is out there. in the prairies. on a route i’ve taken before several times. forgive my naivete and self-absorption at this time, but i’m shocked.
the last time i had this incredibly physical response to violence was when i had seen an image of a palestinian baby with its head blown off. just a body and a bloody stump, in a sleeper.
we’re removed from war. but we do get on the bus.